


Being brave

by Moonwanderer



Series: ThorBruce Week 2018 [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Arguing, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Bruce Has Issues, First Time, M/M, Science Bros, Thor (Marvel) Needs a Hug, ThorBruce Week 2018, ThunderScience - Freeform, Tony Is a Good Bro, thorbruce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 03:40:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15525243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonwanderer/pseuds/Moonwanderer
Summary: So there were they, at the end of an extremely exhausting day, fighting for the first time.





	Being brave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TJ_Dragonblade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TJ_Dragonblade/gifts).



> A little something I wrote for the "ThorBruce Week 2018" event.  
> Day 1: "First"-First fight  
> With lots of insecurity, not so effective coping mechanisms, and Tony giving Bruce a rocket for being irresponsible.
> 
> I gift this work to TJ_Dragonblade who introduced me to this ship.
> 
> I am not a native speaker, so mistakes may be found.  
> I do not own the characters, etc., etc.,...

It was one hell of a day with a mission went horribly wrong, and things were this close to turn into something terrible. It was one of the rarest occassions, when after things had settled down, Tony remained quiet without an attempt to crack a joke. It was the day, when Fury let them go home without a lecture, because he found no words to say, no warnings to give them. It was the day, which left Thor and Bruce shaken to the core, because they almost lost each other.

So there were they, at the end of an extremely exhausting day, fighting for the first time.

"What the hell have you thought, Banner? Do you have the slightest clue, how close you were to die?" This time, Thor did not make an attempt to lower his voice, the storm of his emotions clearly audible with every word spoken loud. There was a deep gash across his cheek, dried blood and grime on his skin, and sparks of anger in his eyes.

Bruce felt so tired like never before, and he really wanted to sleep now, not being sreamed at by someone he loved. He was perfectly aware of the fact that he screwed up and risked not only his life, but the life of his friends too. The last thing he wanted was getting a lecture about it.

Thor was standing so close in front of him, and he felt small below his towering presence, and anger was welling up before he could notice, coming out bitter and sharp.

"Believe it or not, in fact, I was very well aware of the things happening there. And just to remind you, I was totally in control of the situation!"

Thor started to laugh, dark and dry.

"Oh, yes, if „in control” means almost getting killed! Even our friend Tony would not have pulled that stunt. How come someone this smart could do something stupid like that?"

"I knew what I was trying to do!" Bruce snapped, hands clenching into fists. "It was not my fault the „God of Thunder” decided to interrupt..."

"Interrupt what? Getting slaughtered? Threatening the mission? Putting the life of your friends in danger?" Thor took a step forward, but Bruce did not retreat, just tossed back his head to be able to look into the other man’s eyes, his body trembling with rage. They stood so close to each other the scientist felt the stinging of electricity swirling through the god’s skin.

"As I said before: I was in control!"

"But we did not need you to be in control at all!!! Don’t you understand? We needed the exact opposite: to totally lose control! We needed the Hulk, not you, Banner!"

Bruce felt like he was slapped¸ and despite his best efforts, he felt tears welling up, threatening to fall. His anger left as it rose, leaving the shame and pain behind. If there was any rage left in his body, now it was aiming at himself. But honestly, what did he expect? Why was he in the team if not for the „Other Guy”? Who would need Banner, if could have the Hulk? And to be honest: whoever cares...?

Thor noticed the change, and his expression became guilty, as he took a step back and lowered his voice.

"Banner, I... I did not mean to say... I did not mean it like that..."

"Then why didn’t you let me just _be_? Why did you have to start arguing with me?" His voice was so small, and he hated himself for it.

"Banner, I am sorry, and I feel terrible for losing my temper. I was angry, because I don’t want to lose you."

His voice was so soft now, eyes warm and full of love, for Bruce, for him only, and Bruce felt panic rising up in his mind.

"What do you mean by that?" It was the only thing he could utter.

"What do I mean? Our relationship, Banner! Our love!"

And Bruce was totally in panic-state now, and he tried his best to hide it. It was happening again, his personal hell, the pattern repeating itself, a never-ending circle of love-leave-let them suffer. It was too much too soon, and he knew he has to end it now before something unredeemable happens, and he hated, oh, how he loathed himself for saying that:

"There is no such thing as „our love”, Thor! We hardly have „a thing”. So I am saying it, to be clear: I do not need your anger, and do not need you to always be in my way! And if you don’t mind, I am tired, and need no more of your worry."

Thor looked like as if Bruce hit him, and there was hurt, oh, so much hurt in those beautiful eyes, and Bruce just ran away, because, let’s face it, nothing ever lasts that he loves.

He would have ruined it some other time anyway.

It hurt like hell, saying things that were not true, but he knew that it would have hurt more to wait and see the disappointment in Thor, the only thing Bruce could offer.

He was not surprised that he couldn’t rest at all, and decided to seek someone’s company, the only one’s who he knew will care.

"I screwed up big time now." He said as Tony opened the door.

"Do you mean today’s mission or is there something else I did not know about yet?" His friend asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Both. I mean... the mission, yes, but the thing is..."

Tony just let out a sigh and stepped back to let him in.

"Come on, big guy, tell me what made you come here to confess."

The room was far from tidy and dimly lit, and they sat on the floor, backs facing the wall. Tony seemed exhausted, his body covered in cuts and bruises, the reactor shining through the thin fabric of his shirt. Their gazes met and Tony patted his shoulder slightly.

"Okay, I’m listening."

"It’s about Thor and me... I think we’ve just... we broke up." Bruce could not dare to look into his friend’s eyes, so he buried his face in his hands. "I screwed up, Tony. I can not do this anymore."

He might have cried a little. Tony remained silent, rubbing his back gently till he pulled himself together.

"So, what happened exactly?" He asked after.

"We had a fight. He said that I was reckless and he was so angry with me."

"Well, you were reckless indeed..."

"I know!" Bruce cried out, loud and desperate. "And I felt horrible because of it! I knew I was the one to blame and it was my fault that the team was in danger and..."

"Wow, Brucey, okay, I understand! You knew what went wrong and the last thing you needed was someone rubbing it under your nose." Tony put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed ligthly. "Believe me, I know what does it feel like. And you snapped back, if my deduction is clear."

"Yes. Yes, I did."

"Okay. I might be a genius, but still don’t understand, how it ended with the two of you apart?"

"He said he was angry because he was worried. Because.. because he loves me, you know." By the time he reached the end of the sentence, his voice was no more but a whisper, and he felt blush flaming up on his cheeks.

"Yes, that’s quite obvious. And his reasoning understandable."

"Oh God, Tony! You _knew_???"

"That you and Thor are shagging?" The billionaire shrugged his shoulders. "Brucey dear, neither of you are being so subtle and we all have eyes and ears..."

"Okay, I got it, stop! I’m starting to regret I came here the first place... God, Tony!"

"Sorry-not sorry. But I still don’t understand..."

"And I told him there is no such a thing as „our love”. That we hardly are a thing and that’s it all, and now I think we broke up...Tony?"

It felt so unnatural from the billionaire to be this quiet. His gaze was intense and carried a touch of sternness Bruce hardly saw before. After some time, his friend spoke.

"Wow. It was low, Bruce, especially coming from you... And now what? Are you satisfied? Now that you burned the bridges are you ready to run away again? Beacuse don’t try and tell me that was not the next step you planned to take!"

"What...?" Bruce felt his jaw drop. He stared at his friend, eyes wide with surprise. He didn’t know what he expected, but this was none of the things he would have guessed.

"When life becomes a little too much for your liking, you tend to run away. I must admit, it is easier than to try and face the problems, let alone try and fix them. You have seen so much while you were gone." Tony sighed. "The Universe is expanding. You can run as far as you want. But let me tell you something: it will never solve your problems. It won’t make you feel better."

"I... I don’t run away because of myself! I don’t do it to make me feel better! I’m doing it for the ones I love!" Bruce snapped, anger rising in his chest like flames, eyes shining green. "How could you think that I would do something selfish like that!!!"

"Bruce, listen to me a little bit." Tony held his gaze, and his eyes were big and dark in the dimness, and warm with care. Bruce felt his heart aching despite the rage inside, because he doesn’t deserve, he has never deserved that...

"You listening? Well, let me tell you, why you are the biggest liar I have ever known. You are one of the most intelligent people I have met in my whole life. You have a good sense of dry, sarcastic humour, you are witty, and strong. Still, you are so gentle and so humble and so damn easy to love. It takes time and lots of effort to gain your trust, and one has to be extremely lucky to earn your love. And once you are close to that someone, they feel so happy and special, because they were worthy of your love. And believe me, it feels so good to be loved." Tony’s voice wavered, and he raised his hand to the shimmering light of his chest.

"It feels so damn good to be loved, and if you, Bruce, love someone, they are sure it is real, because you don’t give your love to anybody. And after some time, when they are happy and sure in the bond you share, you just leave them. Do you understand, what it means? One day you are there for them, and the other you are gone and nowhere to be found. And there were no signs indicating that will happen. You leave with the thoughts of salvation, but do not want to realise what you left behind."

"Can you imagine the pain, the confusion, the despair? How many nights were spent sleepless thinking about what did they do to make you leave them behind? The devastating weight of not being enough? And don’t get me wrong, everyone knows that life is unpredictable and shit can happen, so the worst things is not that you leave. It is that you make them feel they are loved, that they are needed. And as it turns out for them- they are not."

"It is not just sad, Brucey. It is fucking _cruel_. And coward."

And thus fell silence between them. Bruce was staring at his friend, eyes wide with shock, lips trembling, fingers twitching- desperate to find a thing holding on to. Anger was forgotten, the green light faded away, leaving his irises soft brown, and his chest aching with guilt.

It was Tony again, who break the silence, as he reached out to brush back the graying curls from his tear-streaked face.

"I know you are doing that to protect the ones you love. But to be honest, I’m starting to think that actually you are doing it to protect yourself. And that’s why you are being selfish while acting selfless and all."

"But Tony, try and think as if you were in my shoes! I am a monster, and a threat to the ones around me!"

"I have to say, I strongly disagree with that. Everyone has their demons. Hulk is there to protect you, Bruce, it is his main goal, do not forget. He would not come out just because he feels like it. You have to be in danger. And why would he hurt anyone around you? Maybe because you see them as a _threat_?"

Bruce felt his breath getting caught in his throat. His heart was racing so hard he could hear it beating. The room was spinning around his head, and his vision was filled with shimmering blue light. But Tony showed no signs of leaving him alone, no signs for mercy.

"Then let’s see what would happen after you succeed and drove everyone away, leaving them in pain and misery. You will stand there, alone in the Universe with no one to give your love to. And to be honest, Brucey, you deserve better."

"I just try and do what is the best for them. For the ones I love." He whispered, eyes full of tears.

"I know that you tried to be brave setting them free, but sometimes being brave means you _stay_." Tony reached out and grabbed his face gently, not letting him to turn his gaze away. "I won’t ask you to do it for me. I won’t say to do it for your own sake either, but for the love of God, you should try and do it for Thor!"

Thor... His partner. His love. Bruce knew that the god loved him dearly, and it scared him because he was not the one who deserves...

His thoughts were interrupted as suddenly Tony pulled him into a warm, tight, long-awaited hug. He felt himself melt into the embrace, and had no shame burying his face into his friend’s shoulder.

"Please believe me, you deserve to be loved. You big, helpless idiot." Tony murmured into his ear, and gently patted his back. "And as for Thor, God of Thunder and everything else, he deserves to be loved too."

Tony smiled at him, as they leaned back.

"Lecture is over. I think you should go back and apologise."

"I know. But I am afraid that he does not want to talk to me anymore."

"Brucey dear, you are hopeless. And here I thought _my_ love-life is chaotic! There are ups and downs in every relationship. Sometimes you fight. Most of the time you don’t agree in things. But it doesn’t mean you don’t love each other! I’m sure of what I see, but tell me your thoughts: does he love you?"

"Yes." Bruce felt his blush flaming up again. "Yes, he does."

"And do you love him?"

"Yes!!!! Oh, hell, yes!!!!"

And Tony was laughing and pushing him out of the room.

"Then what are you afraid of?"

So he had no other choice, but to walk to the room where the god stayed, and before he could have second thoughts, knocked on the door.

"Thor... it is me...I, uh...I would like to say something..."

The door was opened so abruptly, he jumped back a little. And there was Thor, his hair a golden mess, and eyes suspiciously red.

"Bruce...!" He whispered, and Bruce found himself stuttering as he tried to form a normal sentence.

"I didn’t mean to be such a jerk, I was just tired and I know I was the one to blame and I... I...I... from the day we are... we are like this I am so scared that I will screw it up somehow that I panicked and I screwed it up nonetheless and..."

He was prepared for so many things but a warm, bone-crushing hug. His mind told him he should be panicking now, but his heart let peace filling his body, silencing the racing thoughts in his over-thinking mind.

"I’m so sorry I said that." He whispered and pulled his love closer.

"I’m sorry I didn’t trust you." Thor said and his lips touched his forehead. "I promise to be patient."

"I promise to stay."

**Author's Note:**

> Please, feel free to leave a comment!  
> Negative comments or comments of displeasure are also welcome, you can help me improve by pointing out my mistakes.


End file.
